i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
