Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
