ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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