Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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