i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
