two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
