Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
