he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
