I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
