She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
