well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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