There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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