Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
