where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
