After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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