Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
