today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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