I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
