I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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