I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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