she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
