Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
