sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
