i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
