The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
