I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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