I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
