kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
