i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
