I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize