god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
