..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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