The maid of honor just puked.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Alive.
So much puke
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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