we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
