So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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