put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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