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only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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