Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
