doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
do nipples grow back?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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