I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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