My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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