he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
