I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish you could order shots online.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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