do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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