I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
