Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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