theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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