Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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