Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
