Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
