Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
