thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
