ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
