So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My ATM looks so different sober.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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