You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
