I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
