After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
