So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
